I really wanted to keep this kind of upbeat, but I don’t want to forget this part, either. So sorry in advance, but this wasn’t a fun day.

Here’s a necessary reference– I have four kids:

E (early teen girl),
K (tween girl),
D (6-year-old boy), and
L (preschool girl)

Got it? 🙂 Ok….

After staying at home with my kids for 13 1/2 years, I was bound to hit an emotional wall.

I did today. 😦

I got about two hours of sleep last night. I woke up around 1:30, stressing about all the stuff that still needs to get done…I never went back to sleep and ended up sitting in the kitchen, writing my welcome letter to students at 3 a.m. I removed the profanity around 9 a.m.

My first day with kids is Monday, and I AM NOT READY. Admittedly, my school isn’t ready either, so at least my misery has company. Silver linings and all.

I sat, writhing in uncomfortable agony in those auditorium chairs for HOURS, listening to someone talk about….something. Honestly, I can’t remember and it was a few hours ago. My reward was a 75 minute commute. As usual.

I walked in the door and the nanny we have said this:

“Just so you know, for just a minute, I wasn’t paying attention and L (preschooler) fell in my pool and was only under for about five seconds. K (tween daughter) threw her glasses to the ground (she’s legally blind) and jumped in and got her. I think L was looking for her barbie shoe that fell in the pool.”

What the actual f***.

I stood there, reeling, picturing my preschooler underwater (why wasn’t she wearing a floatie?!) when my D (6-year-old son) walked in the kitchen, said “Mommy, I don’t feel good” and threw up everywhere.

Both he (D) and L have since been throwing up all evening. I’m assuming they drank gallons of bacteria-laden, chlorinated water. My eldest (E), helped me clean it all up.

And I get to go back tomorrow. With two sick kids and a preschooler who I’ll be picturing underwater. Thank god for my older girls.

I’ve been trying to keep my spirits up this week, but right now it’s feeling overwhelming.

I’m so tired I feel sick. I want to stay home with my babies (all four of them) and burn my laptop.

**I still love the people I work with, and I’m sure it’s all going to work out, but tonight? I’m just going to drink wine and try to sleep.**



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